5 Reasons Women Fake Orgasms More Than Men, Expert Suggests Tips to Fix It

Why Are Women More Likely to Fake Orgasms Than Men?

• Ego Protection
• Pressure to Perform
• Anatomical Differences
• Self-Esteem and Social Pressure
• Fear of Rejection or Judgement

Women tend to fake orgasms more than men for reasons that go deeper than most people realise. The pressure to "perform" sexually and make their partners feel successful often leads women to put on a show rather than be honest about their experience.

According to Priyanka Kapoor, a psychotherapist, psychologist, and sex therapist, women often fake orgasms to spare their partner’s feelings or protect their ego. "For many women, faking orgasms is about not offending their partner or boosting their partner's self-esteem," Kapoor says. "In many cases, women feel the pressure to perform sexually and make their partners feel successful, even when they aren't experiencing pleasure themselves."

Moreover, Kapoor highlights that society's unrealistic portrayal of sex, particularly through porn, plays a significant role in this phenomenon. "Pornography often portrays penetrative sex as the path to climax, which can lead women to believe that they should climax from it, even though the majority of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm," she explains. This disconnect can make women feel inadequate and encourage them to fake orgasms to meet those expectations.

Aarti Chawla, a Mumbai-based relationship psychotherapist and life coach, adds that the pressure to "perform" during sex stems from the belief that good sex only happens when both partners climax. "The psychological need to satisfy egos and societal pressure makes faking seem like the only option," Chawla says. She emphasises that women might fake orgasms to feel "normal" or accepted, as they fear being judged for their inability to achieve orgasm during intercourse.

"While men's sexual response is usually obvious and harder to fake, women find themselves playing along to avoid awkward conversations about what they really need in bed," explains Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, Gateway of Healing. Many women have grown up believing they should protect their partner's feelings, even at the cost of their satisfaction.

Female pleasure is more complex and involves both physical and emotional elements that need to align for genuine orgasms to happen. Instead of explaining these needs, some women choose to fake it as a quick way out of sexual encounters that aren't working for them. As women get older and feel more secure in their relationships, they tend to fake orgasms less. They become more comfortable speaking up about what they want and need rather than pretending.

The solution isn’t complicated – it’s about creating a culture where women feel they can be honest about pleasure without worrying about hurting their partner’s feelings or facing judgement.

Why Do Some People Stop Faking Orgasms?

Interestingly, more people are learning to stop faking orgasms, especially as they become more comfortable in their relationships. Experts point out that communication plays a significant role in this shift. "When individuals feel comfortable talking openly about their sexual desires and needs, they’re less likely to fake orgasms," explains Kapoor.

Chawla adds that men, in particular, are increasingly stopping the practice of faking orgasms as they address underlying sexual issues, such as premature ejaculation or performance anxiety, through open communication and seeking professional help. "Men have started being more honest about their struggles and working on them with their partners, which has led to fewer men faking orgasms," Chawla states.

Women, on the other hand, are beginning to feel more empowered to express their desires and seek out solutions, especially with the increasing availability of sexual aids like vibrators. "In today’s world, women have more access to self-help tools and toys that can enhance their sexual experiences," says Chawla. "When women feel confident in expressing their desires, they no longer feel the need to fake orgasms."

Dr Tugnait further emphasises that, as women age and gain more self-assurance in their relationships, they become less likely to fake orgasms. "As women grow older, they become more comfortable with their bodies and feel more secure in their relationships, allowing them to communicate openly about their sexual needs without fear of judgement," she explains.

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Does Faking Orgasms Impact Relationships?

Faking orgasms can have several negative impacts on relationships and personal satisfaction. Dr Tugnait outlines the following consequences:

• Erodes Trust and Intimacy: Regularly faking orgasms can create a pattern of dishonesty, which harms emotional connection and vulnerability.
• Decreases Sexual Satisfaction: Faking orgasms prevents individuals from experiencing genuine pleasure, which leads to cycles of unsatisfactory sexual encounters.
• Creates Performance Anxiety: Faking orgasms increases the pressure to maintain the pretence, leading to anxiety and difficulty achieving authentic pleasure.
• Impacts Self-Esteem: Faking orgasms can result in guilt and feelings of inadequacy for the individual, while their partner may lose confidence in their sexual ability.
• Affects Overall Relationship Quality: The dissatisfaction in the bedroom often extends to other areas of the relationship, leading to frustration, emotional distance, and reduced intimacy.
• Diminishes Life Satisfaction: Sexual fulfilment is an important part of overall life satisfaction. The stress of maintaining a facade, combined with a lack of real pleasure, can negatively affect overall happiness.
• Creates Communication Barriers: Once the pattern of faking is established, it becomes increasingly difficult to have honest conversations about sexual needs and desires.
• Prevents Growth: Faking orgasms prevents the relationship from growing and deepening, as it avoids addressing underlying issues.

How to Stop Faking Orgasms

Create an Open Dialogue

"Start talking about your sexual desires and needs outside the bedroom," advises Dr Tugnait. "Conversations about sex should happen when both partners are relaxed, clothed, and not under pressure. This reduces anxiety and allows both individuals to communicate honestly about what works for them."

Focus on the Journey, Not Just the Destination

Chawla encourages couples to shift their focus from orgasm as the ultimate goal. "When partners stop fixating on orgasm, they can enjoy the entire sexual experience, which reduces performance anxiety and leads to more genuine pleasure," she explains.

Practice Mindful Intimacy

Being present during intimate moments can improve sexual satisfaction. "Mindfulness allows you to focus on physical sensations and emotional connection, rather than worrying about whether you're going to climax," Dr Tugnait suggests.

Remove Time Pressure

"Remove any pressure about time or performance during sex," Kapoor advises. "Let go of the idea that there is a specific timeline for sexual encounters. This creates space for more natural and enjoyable sexual experiences."

Incorporate Feedback During Sex

Both partners should feel comfortable giving feedback during intimate moments. "Simple phrases like 'I love when you do this' or 'Could we try it this way?' can help improve the experience and ensure both partners' needs are met," Chawla adds.

Use Sex Toys or Explore Together

Introducing sex toys or exploring new sexual techniques can reduce the need to fake orgasms. "When couples explore new ways to bring pleasure, it builds trust and intimacy," Dr Tugnait concludes. "The key is finding what works for both partners and communicating about it openly.”

Dr Tugnait emphasises that the goal isn't just to stop faking orgasms but to create an environment where partners feel safe being honest about their pleasure without fear of judgement or criticism. This approach leads to more fulfilling intimate relationships and better overall life satisfaction.

Understanding that sexual satisfaction is an evolving journey rather than a destination helps couples maintain perspective and patience as they work toward more authentic intimate experiences. Through open communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to learn and grow together, couples can build stronger, more satisfying relationships.

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