Sleep Divorce: What Is It, Does It Improve Relationships, And More, As Per Expert

One individual shared their perspective, saying, "For me, it depends on the longevity of the relationship. Some people need their space, while others can't stand being apart. Personally, I've found that when I sleep with my partner, my sleep quality improves — I fall asleep faster, and it even helps with my anxiety. But I also value having my personal space, especially long-term. I’d want a separate room for myself and my things, and vice versa for my partner. But that doesn't mean I love them less."

Another person offered a different view: "Honestly, sleep divorce might help you realise whether the relationship is even worth keeping. If you’re comfortable sleeping with your partner, why would you even consider sleeping separately? It’s one thing to try, but if it becomes a regular habit, it could be a red flag."

A third opinion highlighted the potential clarity that sleep divorce might bring: "I think sleep divorce can help at times. It forces you to think about whether you love your partner for who they are or just for the comfort of their presence. Sometimes it gives clarity on the relationship itself."

What Is Sleep Divorce?

Sleep divorce is a practice where couples choose to sleep in separate rooms. While this may seem like an unconventional approach, it’s gaining popularity among couples looking for better sleep quality and personal space. According to Dr Swati Bansal, a Relationship Counsellor based in New Delhi, "Sleep divorce doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is struggling; rather, it’s about finding ways to improve individual sleep quality, which can ultimately benefit the relationship."

The concept of sleep divorce isn't new, but it’s becoming more common, particularly among millennials. A study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (2023) found that 35% of 2,005 adults surveyed sleep in separate rooms at least occasionally, with 43% of millennials reporting this habit. Interestingly, men are more likely than women to opt for separate sleeping arrangements, with 45% of men compared to 25% of women preferring different rooms. The study highlights that disrupted sleep due to snoring, restlessness, or sleep apnea often leads to couples seeking separate sleeping spaces.

A 2016 German study published on PubMed emphasised that while shared sleeping arrangements have evolutionary advantages, such as providing emotional security, it doesn't always promote better functioning in a relationship. Disruptions like snoring, restless legs, or body heat can negatively affect sleep, making separate beds a practical solution.

Benefits of a Sleep Divorce

While the idea of sleeping apart may seem strange to some, many couples who try to sleep divorce report notable benefits.

Improved Sleep Quality: According to a National Sleep Foundation study, about 53% of people who slept separately reported improved sleep quality after doing so. This is often due to the reduction of disturbances like snoring, kicking, or partner restlessness.

Increased Sleep Duration: Couples who consistently practice sleep divorce sleep, on average, 37 minutes more per night. Dr Ramesh Gupta, Consultant. Mental Health And Behavioural Sciences, Mumbai, explains, "When both partners experience uninterrupted sleep, they wake up feeling more refreshed and ready to face the day."

Better Relationship Dynamics: As per a SAGE Publishing report, improved sleep often leads to reduced irritability and frustration in relationships. "When partners sleep well, they are more patient with each other and less prone to conflicts," says Dr Gupta.

Safety Concerns: Some individuals suffer from sleep disorders like REM sleep behaviour disorder, where they may act out dreams, which can be dangerous. In such cases, sleeping separately can reduce the risk of injury to either partner.

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Cons of Sleep Divorce

Despite its benefits, sleep divorce has its downsides that couples should consider before making the shift.

Cost and Space Issues: Not everyone has the luxury of extra rooms in their homes. As Dr Bansal points out, "The practicality of sleep divorce depends on space availability. In a crowded apartment or home, having separate rooms for sleep may not always be feasible."

Loss of Intimacy: Sharing a bed is a key part of emotional intimacy in many relationships. A significant percentage of couples (over 30%) who try to sleep divorce end up returning to the same bed due to feelings of loneliness and missing closeness. "Intimacy can suffer when couples stop sharing physical space, which may impact their emotional connection," says Dr Bansal.

Potential Impact on Mental Health: Some individuals might feel insecure or anxious sleeping alone, which can affect their sleep quality. Oxford Academic Journals published a study linking the presence of a partner in bed to improved mental health and sleep quality.

When Is It Time to Consider Sleep Divorce?

Dr Bansal advises couples to consider a sleep divorce when one partner’s sleep habits consistently disturb the other, leading to sleep deprivation. If one partner has a medical condition like snoring, apnea, or restless leg syndrome, sleeping apart might be a practical solution to restore quality sleep.

However, couples should communicate openly and address underlying issues like physical discomfort or relationship concerns before resorting to separate rooms. Dr Ramesh Gupta adds, "A sleep divorce should be a conscious decision, not a reaction to unresolved relationship issues. Open communication is key."

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