Navratri 2023: While Mahagauri Ends Sufferings, Women Must Break Silence On What They Want

On the Ashtami, the eighth day of Navratri, the world bows its head in front of Mahagauri, who is also referred to as Goddess Mahadevi. She has four hands, a fear-dispelling gesture, a drum and a trident. She sits on a bull and wears white clothes.

She is known to end the sufferings of life, fulfil the desires of people and is referred to as the Goddess of peace. While she continues to hear the prayers of her devotees, women in real life lack the courage to speak their minds, express their feelings and stand up for themselves.

Women Lack The Courage To Stand Up For Themselves

Ages back when gender roles were being divided, women were assigned to take care of the household. However, as time progressed and patriarchy established the supremacy of men. The world became about what they want and what they need.

They have not only been the caregivers at home but have also taken several other roles as centuries passed and society progressed. However, in the midst of all this, many of them lost their voices. They started putting everyone’s needs ahead of their own.

Women would cook for everyone in the house and eat at the end. In a case, when a few delicacies have been consumed and the barrel is empty, she would eat whatever is left because by the end she would have no energy left to cook for herself and no one in the house would care to do it for her.

In many communities, a woman would be given a new name after marriage. Even if she was happy with her maiden name, she would be called by another. She had to and still has to give up the surname she has grown up with.

If a woman is ill, she would still do all the household chores until she has no strength left to stand. In today’s time, women would work in the office while taking care of the household as well. She might or might not have help, but she would manage it all somehow. Some would say a woman is an embodiment of Goddess Durga with multiple hands, but the situation is excessively romanticised and glorified.

This is all about her physical condition and strength. Her desires are not fulfilled either. While it may be taboo, scientifically humans are sexual beings. Everyone has desires, including women. The sad reality is there is a steep orgasm gap.

Durex Global Sex Survey of 2017 revealed that approximately 70% of Indian women do not have an orgasm every time they have sex compared to 80% of men. Although there are psychological and physiological factors behind the data, a huge aspect is that many men do not care if their partner orgasms and women feel shy to communicate their needs.

In the field of work, women often find themselves struggling to stand their ground because of sexism and the preferences of men in rooms where decisions are made.

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Why Do Women Not Speak Up?

Years of conditioning have made women shy of sharing their feelings and thoughts. For years, women have been told to speak only in private spaces, adhere to instructions laid down by in-laws and not share their thoughts in matters of property and money.

It was only the Hindu Women’s Right to Property Act of 1937 and the Hindu Succession Act of 1956 that talk about the property rights of women. Amendments have been made in these over the course of time that have established solid grounds for women to contest in courts in case they are subjected to injustice.

Yet many women aren’t aware of these rights. Those who know about it do not speak up fearing disputes in the family.

When it comes to matters of the household, society says ‘men will be men’ when it comes to sharing the load. It has always been the duty of the woman to keep the house clean and tidy up, even if she is not able to keep up with her health. She is even blamed for the kid not scoring well in exams.

Actor Rich Chadha recently explained why we would hear more women say, “Rehne Do, Main Kar Leti Hun.” She said that it is because if you hear someone asking you, “where is sugar,” “where is milk,” or “where is ginger,” when you have requested the person to make tea, it seems easier to do the work by yourself.

In the entire house, a woman only would know where each thing is kept. From books of kids to socks and handkerchiefs of husband, a mother and wife would know everything from the back of their hands. However, no one would even care to know where things are kept in the kitchen.

When it comes to the confines of a bedroom, women are often shy about communicating what would help them experience pleasure and orgasm. Many times, she is afraid of sharing her needs with her husband because it might hurt his ego.

A good example of it was Lust Stories in which Vicky Kaushal’s character could not last long in sex, leaving the needs of Kiara Advani’s character unsatisfied. Ultimately, she used a pleasure tool. The marriage was dissolved.

In Veere Di Wedding, Swara Bhaskar’s character was caught pleasuring herself by her husband, and he left her. In the same scene, the actor was trolled brutally. It only pointed to what our society thinks of women experiencing pleasure.

In the workspace, women have reported experiencing being silenced. A 2023 report published by the Business News Daily pointed out that women face challenges like the gender pay gap, pregnancy discrimination career advancement challenges and sexual harassment that often leave them not being able to voice their opinions. They feel overlooked, often they are the ‘only’ female in a room, especially if it is a meeting of decision-makers, face micro-aggression and find it hard to establish a balance between home and work without proper provisions for childcare among others.

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What Can Be Done?

The only way we can support each other and promote more women to speak is by realising that our thoughts and needs hold equal value as that of men. It might be a gradual process and will take time, but things will start taking a turn for good. We have to stop shaming each other for our choices. Whether someone choose to be a mother or a CEO or both, we must be cheerleaders in any case. We should not fall into the trap of ideal body type, standards of dressing or colours.

Both men and women have to be open while sharing their sexual desires without stigma or inhibitions. Getting intimate must be a two-way street. All the parties involved must be able to draw pleasure from the act.

At workplaces, we need to offer more women positions at higher levels. Only when there will be gender diversity in the office, will it make women feel safe to voice their opinions. It would also help people understand the struggles of a working or expectant mother.

Employers need to come up with a plan of action that does not discriminate against women because they opted for motherhood or have responsibilities. Instead, organisations need to consider providing crèche facilities so that female employees can work without worrying about the safety of their children.

However, in any case, the onus is upon us to gather courage and say what we want. There is no shame in sharing what you like and what you want in bed. Unless we break our silence, nobody will hear us.