As you enter the bedroom, your spouse does not flinch. There are no words and not even a glance. You hear the ceiling fan and feel your own racing thoughts. Welcome to the drama of the silent treatment! A classic in relationships- when one spouse deems silence to have more significance than a thousand words, or at least more significance than anger. But is this icy move a clever time-out option or is it a slow death of a relationship bundled in stillness? We spoke to Sybil Shiddell, Relationship Manager, Gleeden, India and Ravi Mittal Founder & CEO of QuackQuack, Hyderabad to understand more about this.
What Is Silent Treatment?
Silent treatment is not just about silence; it is more about the intentionality behind it- it is when someone deliberately withholds communication, knowing full well that this isn't exactly a healthy way of dealing with conflicts. It has a lot to do with control, and this approach can last hours, days, or weeks; the haunting echo of unresolved drama never leads to anything positive. The fight might settle after a few days of silence, but it will eventually raise its head again. In this approach, silence is weaponised, turning the other person's love into vulnerability.
Sybil highlighted that it isn't the peaceful silence but rather the calm before a storm kind. It usually happens when someone does not want to confront or have a clear discussion about the conflict; instead, they keep mum till you figure out what's wrong- it is one part punishment with two parts of pettiness and anger.
Is It Silence Or Isolation?
The emotional consequences of the silent treatment in marriage can be monumental. Although there may not be slammed doors or tears, it is the slow, stealthy erosion of intimacy – where unresolved conflicts build walls instead of roads. The partner receiving the silent treatment often feels like they are re-enacting a one-person play, only to the disinterest of a partner who has checked out. It may not just create frustration; it creates a low level of anxiety about doing or saying the “wrong” thing again. No one should feel like they are walking on eggshells in their marriage.
There is a fine line between needing space and waging psychological warfare. The silent treatment walks that fine line. This silence is an aggressive weapon; it is strategic, cold, and often meant to punish, manipulate, or coerce with guilt. In marriage where connection is and should be the safe space, non-verbal protest becomes much more about control than connection. This is not a time-out; this is about power.
Accepting The Absence Of Agreement In Spousal Chaos
Let’s not kid ourselves, marriage showcases this chaotic beauty of sharing Netflix accounts, piles of laundry, and spousal awkwardness when egos collide. If one party is in complete silence, this is more than a mood—it sends a real message. Whether this silence is in response to something minor that every married couple finds themselves in ("You forgot our anniversary again.") or is from a long-established or conditioned emotional defence mechanism, the silence appears in a different costume. In this case, the outfit might be punishment, protection or pride. This is some form of rebellion or protest against the other spouse, One that doesn't slam the door or yell, just slowly closes it.
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Is It Beneficial, Or Does It Spoil Your Relationship?
Here's an unconventional truth- silence is not always toxic. Sometimes, a moment of silence with some space from each other can put things into perspective; it gives time for the cloud of anger to clear out and help couples see things clearly. It can also stop you from saying or doing things in the heat of the moment that you will regret. But the catch is- silence is not the same as silent treatment. It is not about taking time to resolve the matter, but rather a form of punishment. It does not come with clarity; it comes with emotional distance and holding on to the anger.
The silent treatment can at times be a 'non-mature' method. It pretends to be self-control but is merely self-control that is made to seem rosy and precious. Underneath it, it is really control, insecurity, and unexpressed anger. In a marriage that should be grounded in verbal exchange, silence can resemble betrayal. So, don’t forget, if you are treated to the silent treatment when you are innocent or open to being blamed for something you did to be blamed, remember that real love does not play the silence game. It talks. It listens, It argues. It forgives and then laughs about how ridiculous the whole fight was forever food or a text message that wasn't ever opened.
Why Do Some People Resort To Silent Treatment?
There can be myriad reasons behind this choice of conflict resolution- it can be something they have grown up seeing; conflict, to them, might mean stonewalling or going inside their shell; for some, it is a powerplay- they feel like the one with the upper hand, watching their partner vulnerable. Some people have the "my way or highway" attitude and stop speaking until things go their way. And then comes people who genuinely don't know how to deal with the situation or express their feelings, so they prefer to remain silent. Though not healthy, their intentions are less malicious than others.
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