Kajol Talks About Normalising Female Pleasure, But Is It Enough? Experts Weigh In

Whenever there is a mention of female pleasure, people start talking in hush-hush tones. It is also followed by multiple misconceptions and often dismissing the desires of women. However, OTT seems to be changing the conversation around the subject.

During an interview with Filmfare, Kajol talks about normalising female pleasure. She was promoting 'Lust Stories 2' released on Netflix on June 29, 2023. The actor added that since we do not make sex, intimacy, and pleasure a part of everyday conversation, it gets attention in a bad light. Hence, we have failed to normalise the conversation around it.

While many actors have often come forward to talk about female pleasure, it does not seem to make much of a difference. Whether 'Lust Stories' part one or two or any other such film, the unabashed portrayal of intimacy is starting a conversation, our society is still far behind when it comes to doing something about it.

We connected with Tanisha RK, sex educator and co-founder of Sangya Project, and Kavita Yadav, counselling psychologist, marital therapist, and founder and director of JiNa.LivingPositively, to understand what more can be done to take the conversation forward.

Is Talking About Female Pleasure Enough?

Tanisha said that the definition of pleasure extends beyond the boundaries of gender identities. “It's about understanding our bodies, stepping away from shame, breaking free from societal expectations of how our bodies should function, and defining safety for ourselves,” they added.

Kavita Yadav that normalising female pleasure is a wide concept that should also address gender inequality in terms of sexual satisfaction. It should also be about breaking down societal norms and promoting open conversations around the subject. There is a need for a shift in education policies, individual empowerment, and cultural norms.

How Can We Take Forward The Conversation On Female Pleasure?

Tanisha said that the conversation can only be taken forward if we look past pleasure from the lens of ‘partnered sex and orgasms’. It should also be about the touch you like, your likes and dislikes in the intimate space, and the way your body responds to different kinds of movements and sensations in the body.

They added, “We can't expand the dialogue around pleasure unless we first learn what makes our journey unique, because being disconnected from ourselves makes it difficult for us to see how unique someone else's pleasure experience might be too.”

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Why Does The Pleasure Gap Exist?

In 2019, Durex published a report stating that nearly 70% of Indian women don’t orgasm every time during sex. While the climax is not the ultimate goal of intimacy, we still have to address the pleasure gap that exists in our country.

Speaking on the subject, sex education added that the pleasure gap exists because we still think about pleasure, sex, and orgasms from the point of reproduction. They said, “We still have leaders and policy-makers who believe that men's pleasure is uncontrollable and makes them act without thought, while women are mere vessels for motherhood who crave maternity but have no desires of their own.”

India, we need to talk. #OrgasmInequalitypic.twitter.com/gReNrFfSNM

— Durex India (@DurexIndia) May 28, 2019

Kavita Yadav said that it is worth noting that discussions around sexual pleasure and women's sexual rights have historically been stigmatised and neglected. “Indian society has been conservative and often has placed greater emphasis on women’s modesty and reproductive roles rather than the sexual autonomy and pleasure,” she added while discussing reasons for the pleasure gap in the country.

According to the psychologist, another reason could be gender inequality. “Gender roles and expectations have led to the power imbalance in relationships giving pleasure and desires of men precedence over female pleasure,” she added.

Other reasons that contribute to this inequality include the absence of comprehensive sex education, social stigma, and shame around female sexuality. This has resulted in women feeling uncomfortable and hesitant in expressing their desires, the counselling psychologist said.

If we continue to think that pleasure exists for some people or genders, we can never understand our bodies or be empathetic towards others, Tanisha added. “For men to believe that women are seeking maternity alone, is already a flawed school of thought,” they said.

“But for them to believe that they are thoughtless sex machines who cannot navigate their urges in ways that are safe for themselves and others? That shows a lack of empathy and compassion towards themselves,” Tanisha concluded.

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How Depriving Your Partner Of Pleasure Can Affect Mental Health?

Depriving your partner of sexual satisfaction can affect someone’s emotional and mental health. Speaking on the subject, our counselling psychologist said, “Being consistently deprived of pleasure can lead to feelings of neglect and insignificance. The person may start questioning their worth in desirability, which can negatively impact their self-esteem and confidence.”

She added that it can lead to resentment and frustration. A person can constantly feel dismissed and ignored. The expert said that it could even erode the emotional connection between the individuals and lead to an increased number of conflicts between a couple.

“When one partner consistently prioritises their pleasure without considering their partner's needs, it can result in sexual dissatisfaction and distress for the other person. This may lead to a decrease in sexual desire, arousal difficulties or even avoidance of sexual activities altogether,” she added.

The expert also said that constant deprivation can worsen someone’s mental health and lead to anxiety and depression. This adds to the stress and can negatively impact someone’s overall well-being.

Stay tuned to HerZindagi for more stories on sexual wellness and mental health.