How To Comfort Women After A Miscarriage: Dos and Don'ts

Experiencing a miscarriage is difficult for every woman. They not only undergo medical or surgical procedures that can take a toll on them, but it is also an emotional event.

Every woman has a different coping mechanism to deal with this situation, but you need to be careful if you have a close one who suffered a miscarriage.

Supporting someone who has experienced a miscarriage isn’t always simple. Sometimes, despite your best intentions, your actions may end up doing somebody more harm than good.

Dr. Ruhi Satija, a perinatal mental health expert at Cloud Nine hospitals, spoke with us about what to do and what to avoid doing for a friend or family member who has experienced a miscarriage.

She says, "Becoming a mother is one of the most impactful and significant events in a woman's life. They have a lot of dreams and hopes attached to them. But when a miscarriage happens, it hits women on an emotional level as well."

If you get news about someone having a miscarriage, these dos and don'ts will help you be there for the person in a better way:

Avoid Asking Details Unless They Themselves Want To Talk About It

Often when one receives sad news, they want to talk to that person, find out the circumstances, in order to support them. However, there are situations when a person may not be prepared to talk about an incident like a miscarriage. So the right thing to do in this situation is to be there for them, express your interest in doing so, but let them decide how much and how often they need you.

Don't Over Burden Them With Other Stories

Do not discuss your own personal experiences, histories, or stories of other people who experienced miscarriages. Talking about these things puts more burden on the patient.

Avoid Toxic Positivity

It is best to refrain from telling them to think positively or that there is still hope because doing so could lead to an event of toxic positivity. It can make the patient feel even more burdened and sometimes more aggressive because they feel that the other person is not able to understand their suffering.

Don't Put The Blame On Patient

There are many social stigmas associated with miscarriage. People often gossip and pass judgment on women, implying that they are to blame for the miscarriage. Women who work in offices often hear that she was hardworking or overstressing, which might have caused the situation. This is probably the worst thing you could ever say to a patient. Giving advice like "stop working so hard" or "take better care of your body" may not be the right thing to say at this moment.

Be There For Them The Way They Want

Be there for them however they want, whether it be in person, via text, phone, or video call. Just let them know that you are there whenever they need you. However, do not pressurise them or call again and again to check on them because it might be overwhelming or distressing for the patient.

Give Them Space

During this period, a little bit of space and solitude can help them. But watch out for signs that the patient isn't isolating themselves, and if you see they're struggling, try to get them some professional help.

Avoid Saying "At least You Have..." Or Asking Questions

Avoid saying things like "at least you have a family," "at least you have a job," "at least you have something going for you," etc. Also avoid asking questions about their upcoming plans, whether they are taking a break or any other such inquiries. These questions can frustrate the patient.

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