5 Myths About Intimacy That We Need To Do Away With

Intimacy, sex, and pleasure are often associated with reproduction in our society. We work on the assumption that one’s goal in life should be to get married at the ‘right’ time and procreate to produce an heir for the family. However, intimacy or sex is a wider concept than what we perceive.

In our past conversation with Apurupa Vatsalya (She/They), a comprehensive sexuality educator, we debunked myths about intimacy and pleasure. She added that being intimate with someone is about communicating your needs, likes and dislikes, and being in a safe space to be able to share feedback during the act.

Being a comprehensive sex educator for more than five years, Apurupa shared some of the common sex myths that are still prevalent in our society. Below mentioned are five misconceptions that we have tried to debunk.

No, Sex Is Not Only About Penetration

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People believe that sex is all penetration and orgasm, said Apurupa. However, it is an entire experience. People have to expand their idea of intimacy. She added, “If you are getting a lottery of ₹10 crore, why would you want to settle for ₹10 lakhs?”

If you expand the horizons of intimacy, they could extend to emotional connection, physical connection, and whatever you like. It would mean a wholesome experience for you. However, if you like penetrative sex, you are more than entitled to enjoy it, but that is not the only thing.

Self Pleasure In A Committed Relationship Is Not Cheating

People in committed relationships do not have the need to masturbate and use pleasure tools in a marriage where your partner is either cheating or you are not enough in bed. However, in reality, “Sex toys are collaborators and not competitors,” she added. Self-pleasure is just a way to explore your body, know what works for you and understand what you do not like.

She added that self-pleasure can make your relationship better. The comprehensive sexuality educator shared that there are two types of desires: spontaneous and responsive. A person can experience desires out of the blue, but for responsive desires, there is a need for stimulation. When you watch ethical adult films or use tools, it allows you to connect with your body and helps to understand it better.

People Of All Ages Can Experience Pleasure

“Only people of a certain age can experience or are allowed to or should experience pleasure,” she said. However, she said that teenagers see their bodies start growing at an early age and have desires developing. While it is crucial to address the exploitation and abuse of kids, it is equally important to understand that with the growing body, desires also develop.

Hence, we need to create a safe space for young people to explore their bodies without shaming them. She also added that older people are also desexualised, and are often frowned upon when they want to express their desire to experience pleasure.

Giving the example of ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’, Apurupa added that even the elderly have the right to explore their bodies. There should be no shame associated with experiencing pleasure at any stage.

There Is No Such Thing Like Too Much Lube

“There is nothing like too much lube,” Apurupa said. She added it is a great tool at your disposal rather than considering it something you need because you have issues with your body. Lubricants can actually help with smooth penetration and prevent cuts, burns, and friction-related bruises.

She suggested using water-based lubricants instead of oil-based ones. Water-based lubricants are ideal when you are using condoms. The comprehensive sexuality educator also advised against using flavoured and scented lubricants for internal use because they can lead to yeast infection.

There Is No ‘Ideal’ Way Of Intimacy

In our conversation, Apurupa mentioned that many people believe that only men and women have sex, and there is only penetrative sex. It is one of the weirdest myths people have. With Pride Month being celebrated in June, it is the right time to Google about other genders and acts of intimacy. It is better to educate than ask people how they have sex.

People should also know that enjoying certain kinds of erotic content is not a reflection of a person's sexuality. We should not be shaming people based on their likes and dislikes.

Stay tuned to HerZindagi for more stories on sexual wellness.