Singer Monica Dogra Opens Up About Being Pansexual, Says, ‘Was Ashamed Of My Gender’

American musician and actor Monica Dogra recently poured her heart out in an exclusive interview with Hindustan Times. She had been vocal about her sexuality in the past, but in this interview, the musician shared her experience of growing up as queer and what it meant for her.

On Being A Pansexual

Image Courtesy: Monica Dogra/Instagram

Taking to Instagram in 2021, the singer-actor revealed she was pansexual. She said that she had been telling the world her truth for a very long time, but the audience and her fans took notice of it only when she appeared on The Married Woman.

In 2016, she came to India and worked with the media closely for a crowdfunding campaign for the LGBT community. She spoke extensively about her sexuality but ‘a hate article’ pushed her into her shell. She said, “My name was tagged as a joke,” and added that the indie music scene and the queer communities “hated” her.

Speaking on the effect of hate articles, the musician said, “This was before internet sheepism was brought up as problematic. I fell into one of the darkest depressions of my life. I couldn’t leave my house without panic attacks and anxiety for almost a year. After that, I feel I lost my expectation of having community support.”

It was only five or six years ago that Dogra had heard the word ‘pansexual’ and she thought, “Oh my Gosh! That’s me!” While growing up, it was black and white for her. Either a person was gay or straight.

Journey Of Identifying As Pansexual

Dogra shared in the interview that she kept oscillating between being hyper-feminine on some days and a tomboy on others. She identified with queer boys who wore makeup (how to nail no-makeup look) and were feminine. She also identified with girls who dressed like boys.

Until a college party, she never had a sexual encounter with any woman. Later in life, she fell in love with a biological female “who was masculine-presenting”. Up until then, she identified as straight, but this made her question her sexuality. She realised she might be bisexual.

About six or seven years ago, Dogra came across many verbiages around pansexuality and found them fit her identity. She said, “I am surprised all the time by what I find beautiful.

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Dogra’s Secret Marriage

Image Courtesy: Monica Dogra/Instagram

Dogra was married to a man who was “very gentle, kind, wise and extremely understanding.” He even understood her attraction toward a co-star in a film that had a trans-woman who wanted to transition. However, later, the two decided to dissolve their marriage and went their separate ways.

When talking about her family, Dogra said belonged to a disjointed family. She had an estranged relationship with her mother for over 11 years of her life, while her father was a “quiet and isolated patriarch.” She revealed that there was no coming out moment for her in her life.

While growing up, she said, “I was ashamed of my gender.” She felt her life was over when her body hit puberty, and she started showing breasts (normal breast abnormalities). “I was molested by my cousins in India and touched inappropriately by a family friend in my sleep,” Dogra shared with the interviewer.

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She had been using her art to reveal her truth. “If you listen to my lyrics, I have been revealing my soul for a long time,” she added.

The musician-actress sees her individuality as both her curse and her greatest blessing.

Dogra encouraged people to be “loud and proud with their truth, however scary.” She added, “Whatever you do get, you know you got it on your own, and on your own terms.”