Too Shy To Accept Compliments? Psychology Says If You're Humble Or Diffident, 5 Ways to Improve

What happens next? For many of us, the response is anything but graceful:

• A) You deflect with humour: "Ha ha, sometimes I get the job done."
• B) You immediately minimise your effort: "Oh, it was nothing special. Anyone could have done it."
• C) You redirect attention: "Thanks, but did you see Amit's sales numbers? Those were impressive!"
• D) You downplay your contribution: "I just compiled what everyone else provided."
• E) You focus on the flaws: "I actually made a mistake on slide seven, and I think I rushed through the conclusion..."

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. I’ve personally struggled with this, too. There have been times when a simple compliment left me fumbling for words or feeling awkward. And as it turns out, many of us have a complicated relationship with praise.

The Psychology Behind Compliment Discomfort

"In Indian culture especially, we are taught to be humble from childhood. This cultural conditioning often makes accepting praise feel like we're being immodest or self-centred," explains Dr Ananya Sharma, Clinical Psychologist and Professor at Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai.

According to research, nearly 70% of people associate feelings of embarrassment or discomfort with receiving recognition or compliments. Yet contrary to popular belief, this response isn't necessarily tied to low self-esteem.

"People with low self-esteem are often uncomfortable receiving compliments, but not everyone who is uncomfortable receiving compliments necessarily has low self-esteem," notes psychologist and author Guy Winch.

Dr Sharma agrees, "I've counselled highly accomplished professionals in Delhi who can confidently lead boardroom discussions yet become visibly uncomfortable when praised for their achievements."

Why We Struggle with Accepting Compliments

Our relationship with recognition is complex. From my own experience, I've identified several reasons why compliments make us uncomfortable:

• Compliments often catch us off-guard, triggering our fight-or-flight response
• The fear that accepting praise means setting expectations we can't meet
• Many societies, particularly in Asia, emphasise humility over acknowledging personal excellence
• Worry that accepting praise means we're self-centred
• The belief that our work isn't truly worthy of recognition

Ways to Improve Your Response to Compliments

"Learning to accept compliments gracefully is actually a form of social intelligence," says Dr Vikram Patel, Behavioural Psychologist at NIMHANS, Bangalore. "It benefits both the giver and receiver."

Here are five strategies to help you become more comfortable with praise:

Practice Simple Acknowledgement

Train yourself to respond with a straightforward "Thank you" before your brain has time to generate deflections. I've personally found that pausing briefly after saying thank you helps prevent the automatic follow-up disclaimers.

Recognise the Gift in Compliments

"When someone offers praise, they're giving you a gift. Rejecting it is essentially rejecting their perspective and judgment," explains Dr Sharma. Try viewing compliments as an expression of someone else's experience rather than a judgment you need to verify.

Develop a Compliment Ritual

Create a personal ritual for receiving praise. Whether it's taking a deep breath, maintaining eye contact, or mentally repeating an affirmation like "I accept this recognition," having a prepared response helps manage discomfort.

Journal Positive Feedback

Keep a written record of compliments you receive. This practice not only preserves positive feedback for days when you need encouragement but also helps normalise receiving praise.

Reciprocate Meaningfully

"Instead of deflecting a compliment by immediately complimenting the person back, acknowledge their praise first. Then, if appropriate, offer a separate, genuine compliment later in the conversation," recommends Dr Patel.

Breaking free from compliment discomfort isn't just about personal comfort—it has professional implications too. Studies show that people who acknowledge their strengths are more likely to advance in their careers and experience greater workplace satisfaction.

I've personally implemented these strategies over the past year, and while it still feels unnatural at times, I've noticed that meetings and professional interactions flow more smoothly when I allow myself to accept recognition with grace.

So, the next time someone praises your work, try responding with a simple "Thank you, I appreciate you noticing." It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, accepting compliments can become as natural as giving them.

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