Aashish Mehrotra: Making Sex Education And Sex Tools Accessible In Modern Times

“Ab koi kya he ukhad lega,” said Aashish Mehrotra, Co-Founder, Sangya Project, when asked about working at a sexual wellness brand, being openly bisexual, and a part of a throuple, a privilege that he recognises and not many in the world would have.

Mehrotra has been a writer, producer, director and erotic artist for over 15 years. He dreams of an India where people have access to tools to discover their sexualities. He is a man constantly working towards helping millennials and Gen Zs break the taboos around gender identities.

Mehrotra’s father was a film producer in the Hindi film industry, who wanted his son to be the next star. Mehrotra tried his hand there, however, while trying to become an actor, he fell for the process of making films. He traversed through various mediums that helped him tell his story and acquaint the world with his art.

Struggle With Sexuality & Discovering Self

In his strive to tell stories freely, he realised that none of those stories were his. He realised that he was bisexual and did not see himself living a monogamous life. During this time, he met Tanisha RK, co-founder of the Sangya Project and his partner. They started talking about the accessibility of tools that would facilitate people like them to tell their stories without inhibitions.

He realised that our education system talks about sex as a part of biology, and there must be a shift towards pleasure-based learning. Aashish, Tanisha, and Shweta Sangtani (co-founder at the Sangya Project, his wife and a partner of the throuple) embarked on the journey to create content that would resemble their stories and that of others like them.

Acceptance & Support: Pillars Of Aashish & Shweta’s Marriage

After meeting on Tinder at the age of 29 or 30, Aashish and Shweta saw too many similarities in their thoughts and dreams. “At that age, you already have pressure from parents and society to find a partner and get married. We wanted to be together, therefore, we went ahead and sealed the deal for the sake of society.”

We thought that after marriage, it would be upon us to decide what we wanted to do. They had been together for over nine years now.

They met Tanisha at a party five years ago, and since then, they have been together.

Exploring Sexuality After Marriage

“My family has been wonderful and open-minded. They provided me with all the resources they had and they could have.” They got Mehrotra educated, gave the “talk” when he was still a teenager and made him aware of practising safe sex with the use of condoms. “But even they were unaware of his bisexuality,” Aashish added.

He further shared, “However, when you go out, meet new people and experience new things, you start thinking about other things.” All of us are shown the same dream: study, get married, buy a house, and settle.

After being married to Shweta, “We sat down and asked what now? Is this all that we would have in our lives?” The struggle with bisexuality came from a privileged point in Aashish’s life. “Imagine being 30 and realising that you are bisexual. I did not have the tools to understand the feelings. It was a struggle but not a tough one. I just did not have the right resources.”

Aashish realised all this after being married to Shweta. He feels grateful to her because she provided him with the space, extended her understanding and supported him to find himself. “It was not restricted to my sexuality only, but also to my career, art and everything else.”

She told him, “You should be looking out for yourself first.” It helped Aashish to make self-discovery a priority.

“Acha, you are bisexual, so are you divorcing Shweta?” Aashish’s parents asked him when he came out to them and it was their primary concern. He told them that their relationship is stronger than ever, but being bisexual is his identity.

He joked that once he explained to his parents that he was not leaving everything behind, especially Shweta, they were kind of at peace with it and calmly listened to what he had to say. He shared his identity and feelings with them.

“As long as I am happy, not hurting myself or anyone else in the process of discovering myself, they are okay with everything”, he added.

Tools Of Sex Education In Modern Times

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Apart from the education system and books, one of the tools is parents, when it comes to sex and sex education for teenagers. They should be the ones telling their children about the options. They should not shame their kids or others for drawing pleasure from sex. But, it should be the ultimate goal of the act.

“This is what pleasure-based sex education should look like. People should not be ashamed of talking about it.”

Mehrotra said that since parents are not one of the tools, a bisexual or a non-binary child often comes out as rebellious. They do not feel safe about their identities at home, and their actions could harm them. “Well! It takes a village to raise a child, that village needs to be a tool.”

Communities, friends and family must be among the tools that can help kids from the queer community to understand and express themselves via a safe medium. They must not feel left out.

In a world where people do not want to accept the LGBTQ+ community, it is hard to talk about parents and families being a tool. However, Mehrotra is clear about his target. He is not hopeful or even tries to educate the boomers. “They are too far gone.” There is no benefit to educating them, he says. “We are trying to educate Millennials and Gen Xs, as Gen Z is already educated. All our hard work is to ensure that Gen-Alpha is not traumatised the way people from our generation had been.”

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Sexuality & Privilege

Monogamy is a fairly new concept which became prevalent during the British Raj. Before that, even Hindu mythology had many men (including kings) with multiple wives. A man with more than one partner is not a new concept. “Therefore, I have not faced many snarky comments. Moreover, I have had the privilege of my caste and class.”

However, if a woman today had more than one husband, society would hurl judgement at both parties. Considering his privilege, Mehrotra also believes that not everyone has to be bold about their sexuality.

If a person does not have that sort of privilege, they should be cautious of who they share their secrets with because the world is and can be crueller towards those who do not identify as binary.

“But I need people to know that there is hope. There is light ahead of the dark tunnel in the future.” He believes that by educating the youth, our society will change, and it will be more inclusive and acceptable in the upcoming years.

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About Sangya Project

Sangya Project is Tanisha’s vision. During the Covid-19 pandemic, they could not do anything, and Mehrotra asked them to write their idea of what they wanted to do after completing their training as a sex educator.

The idea itself seemed ahead of its time. It was the nuance that they brought to the project that Aashish and Shweta came on board with as co-founders. They wanted to help Tanisha in every capacity they could.