Why Do Women Seek Attention from Their Exes? Understanding the Psychology and How to Handle It

Psychology Behind Post-Breakup Attention Seeking

Mumbai-based relationship psychotherapist and life coach Aarti Chawla explains that emotional attachment remains one of the primary drivers of this behaviour. "When women seek attention from their ex-partners, it often stems from unresolved emotional bonds that haven't been properly processed," she notes. "This attachment can persist long after the relationship has formally ended."

Recent studies from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggest that approximately 60% of individuals maintain some form of contact with their ex-partners, highlighting the prevalence of this behaviour.

Why Do Women Seek Attention from Their Exes?

Codependency and Validation

"Many women develop patterns of seeking external validation during relationships," Chawla observes. "When these relationships end, the need for validation doesn't simply disappear." This dependency often manifests as a continued need for attention and approval from former partners, even when the relationship is no longer viable.

Monitoring Ex-Partner's Status

Research published in the Psychological Science Journal indicates that social media has amplified this behaviour, with 70% of individuals acknowledging they monitor their ex-partners' online activities. According to Chawla, "This monitoring often serves as a form of emotional security, helping individuals gauge their progress in moving forward."

The Comfort Zone Factor

"Familiarity, even in a broken relationship, can feel safer than the unknown of being completely alone," Chawla explains. This comfort with the known can lead to prolonged attachment and hopes for reconciliation, even when such hopes may be unrealistic.

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What Can Be Done? Steps to Heal and Move Forward

Healing and Self-Discovery

Chawla emphasises the importance of self-healing, "The first step is acknowledging that seeking attention from an ex-partner is often a symptom of deeper emotional needs that require attention." She recommends professional counselling to address these underlying issues.

Developing New Interests

Studies from the Journal of Positive Psychology suggest that engaging in new activities can significantly reduce post-breakup distress. "Creating new experiences and memories independent of your former relationship is crucial for establishing a new identity," Chawla advises.

Addressing Root Causes

"Many attention-seeking behaviours can be traced back to childhood experiences and learned patterns of seeking validation," Chawla notes. Understanding these patterns often requires professional guidance to identify and address deep-seated issues.

Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that individuals who seek professional help after significant breakups show improved emotional recovery rates compared to those who don't.

The journey to emotional independence requires conscious effort and professional support when necessary. As Chawla concludes, "The goal isn't to completely forget the relationship, but to learn from it and develop healthier patterns of self-validation and emotional fulfilment."

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