Relationship With Your Mother Shapes Romantic Patterns, According To A Psychotherapist: Interesting Details Inside

Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, Gateway of Healing shares insights on how your relationship with your mother affects your romantic life:

How Relationship With Your Mother Shapes Romantic Patterns

• Attachment patterns transfer: Children who develop secure attachments with mothers who consistently respond to their needs generally form healthy romantic relationships. They trust partners, express needs openly, and maintain appropriate boundaries. At the same time, insecure attachment patterns, which could be anxious, avoidant, or disorganised, often lead to challenging relationship dynamics where individuals either cling too tightly or maintain emotional distance.
• Emotional regulation: How a mother responds to a child's emotional needs teaches them to process feelings. Children whose emotions were validated develop the ability to identify and express feelings appropriately with partners. Those whose feelings were dismissed or criticised often struggle with emotional intimacy, either suppressing emotions or experiencing overwhelming emotional reactions in romantic situations.

• Communication styles: The communication patterns established with mothers often reappear in romantic relationships. Direct, respectful communication in childhood creates similar patterns in adulthood. Those raised with indirect communication, emotional manipulation, or conflict avoidance frequently replicate these patterns with romantic partners, creating misunderstandings and unmet needs.
• Maternal relationship sets expectations: Children unconsciously internalise what to expect from close relationships based on maternal interactions. If unconditional love is experienced, adults usually expect and offer the same. Those who felt they had to earn maternal love often create performance-based romantic relationships where affection must be continually earned through achievement or compliance.
• Self-worth origins: How mothers reflect value back to their children significantly influences self-worth. Children who received consistent affirmations are more likely to choose partners who treat them respectfully. Those who experienced conditional love or criticism may unconsciously select partners who reinforce these negative self-perceptions.

Understanding these connections offers valuable insights for improving romantic relationships. By recognising patterns stemming from maternal relationships, individuals can make conscious choices about which dynamics they wish to maintain and which they want to transform. This awareness doesn't mean blaming mothers or remaining trapped in old patterns. Rather, it provides a map for creating healthier, more fulfilling connections with romantic partners based on present-day needs and authentic desires.

This article is authored by Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, Gateway of Healing.

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