Avoid Having Tough Conversations With Family? Psychotherapist Explains How It Can Affect You In The Long Term

Whether it’s confronting a coworker about their behaviour, asking your child about college plans, or confessing a financial mistake to your partner, some conversations feel almost impossible. We got in touch with Chandni Tugnait, a leading psychotherapist and founder of Gateway of Healing, who told us how our tendency to avoid tough conversations often begins in childhood. “When children grow up in households where expressing emotions was discouraged or punished, they learn to stay silent, even when it hurts,” she explains.

How Generational Gaps Shape Communication Styles?

Different generations are raised with different emotional toolkits. Older generations often associate silence with strength, while younger ones value emotional expression. “What one generation sees as discipline, another may experience as emotional coldness,” says Dr Chandni. These gaps don’t stem from a lack of love, but from misaligned emotional languages. She emphasises that understanding the why behind someone’s tone or reaction can dissolve years of friction. “Connection happens when families embrace diverse emotional expressions with compassion,” she adds.

What Happens When You Avoid Difficult Conversations?

Short-term peace often comes at the cost of long-term connection. Dr Chandni points out that avoiding emotional honesty creates a rift. “You may avoid an argument today, but you’re building layers of resentment that isolate you from your loved ones,” she says. Over time, the unspoken starts to feel louder than any fight.

Some of the long-term consequences include:

• Emotional numbness: People become detached and stop expressing themselves authentically.
• Surface-level relationships: Conversations lack depth, making even close relationships feel distant.
• Generational patterns: Children mimic avoidance, continuing cycles of silence, and emotional suppression.

Dr Chandni warns, “Peace isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s the presence of truth, empathy, and the courage to say what matters.”

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Can Avoiding Difficult Discussions Lead To Resentment?

Difficult conversations, when avoided, don’t disappear, they fester. “Resentment is like emotional rust,” explains Dr Chandni. “Even if it’s unspoken, it shows up in our body language, tone, and how available we are to others.” Families may stay intact physically, but emotionally, they drift apart. What once felt like love can begin to feel like duty.

How Does Avoiding Tough Conversations Affect Long-Term Relationships?

In long-term relationships, whether familial, romantic, or platonic avoiding tough topics leads to emotional fatigue. “You start walking on eggshells, pretending everything’s fine, but deep down, you’re drained,” says Dr. Chandni. Overtime:

People stop sharing their true selves.

Unresolved problems keep resurfacing.

Love turns into obligation.

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“To build strong, lasting relationships, we need to create space for honesty even when it’s uncomfortable,” Dr Chandni advises, “Truth without love is harsh, and love without truth is shallow. But together, they create healing.”

Keep reading Herzindagi for more such stories.

Credits: Freepik