Sudha Murthy's Unusual Yet Inspiring Motherhood Journey

They say a mother can't have it all but if by a fluke she manages to have it all together, she isn't a good mother. No matter how hard a mother tries to ace managing all her roles, society wants to see them fail, just to say, "Don't be selfish, prioritise your children." This isn't all. Mothers who don't conform to the traditional route of raising a child invite two cents and unlimited bashing from society. Well, no matter what the state is, moms are always on-target. However, not all mothers lost their courage.

This Mother's Day, with the Good Mother Project we wish to celebrate unapologetic, unabashed moms who don't give up on societal norms and define motherhood their way. One such mother is Sudha Murty. Here's to the inspiring leader who is a flagbearer for more than one reason.

The Mom Who Never Put Her Dreams On Hold

Decades ago, she was the only female student to have signed up for an engineering college in Hubli. Murty in an interview shared that she never missed a single class because she knew no one would help her. She became self-sufficient and talked to boys on equal terms. Her gutsy letter to JRD Tata, TELCO chairman calling out the job notice inviting the trainee engineers landed her a job at the company.

Years after serving at TELCO (now TATA), Murty decided to take an exit. By this time she had her first child Akshata Murty. She decided to join hands with her husband Narayana Murthy who was planning to set up his entrepreneurial venture called Infosys in Pune. Now churning crores, Infosys, a multinational information technology company started with Sudha Murty's initial funding of ₹10,000.

Later in her life after mutually deciding with her husband, Sudha Murty took a break from Infosys to take care of her two children, Akshata and Rohan Murty. Soon, Sudha Murty took up the role of a professor at educational institutions in Bangalore when Infosys moved its base to the Silicon Valley Of India.

In the 90s, Murty decided to start a new chapter of her career. She took up the role of the founder and Chairperson of Infosys Foundation.

Pursuing A Career With A Cause

Murty's intent wasn't only about taking Infosys to greater heights, the plan was to make a difference, to better the lives of many in more ways than one and she managed to do it all. With Infosys Foundation, Murty worked on supporting the underprivileged. The goal was to create equal opportunities and space for the needy. For this, Murty introduced multiple social projects across the country, from the construction of libraries to toilets in villages around India, funding for mid-day meals, cancer treatment, and scientific research to name a few.

Interestingly, not many know that it was her daughter Akshata Murty's comment that made her drive all the social work. In one of her books, Here, There and Everywhere, her daughter is quoted saying, “Amma, when an educated person like you, well-travelled, well-read, and without love for money, does not help poor people, then don't expect anyone else to. Is it not your duty to give back to those unfortunate people? What are you looking for in life? Are you looking for glamour or fame? You are the daughter of a doctor and granddaughter of a school teacher and come from a distinguished teaching family. If you cannot help poor people, then don't expect anyone else to do it.”

Akshata Murty's comments not only made Sudha Murty take that route but also reminded her of her former boss JRD's words, which she shared in an interview. "I was sleeping, and my daughter woke me up," Murty said on the birth of Infosys.

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Ensuring A Humble Upbringing

Despite being capable of offering her children a luxurious lifestyle, Sudha Murty and Narayana Murty decided to bring up their kids in a way that they understand the value of money. Akshata and Rohan Murty didn't have a luxurious upbringing but a simple one. Murty ensured that her children travel to school by auto-rickshaw instead of travelling in luxurious cars. Sudha Murty's parenting advice has always got widespread acceptance for being too relevant.

As per a popular anecdote, when Sudha Murty's son asked her to throw a lavish birthday party, she broke down the pros and cons of spending money on a birthday party. Following the conversation, her son agreed to give the money for his birthday party for the education of their driver's son. Years later, he donated his scholarship money to army personnel.

Attachment In Detachment

Sudha Murty, as an educator, author and mother always took the road less travelled. Through these years, Murty's simple yet logical approach toward life made her stand out among the rest. A popular thought by Murty 'Attachment In Detachment' serves as a proof of it. In her note, Murty shared how she was shattered when her daughter got married and left home. Two years after her marriage, her son too left for the US for higher studies. A few years later, he got married too and things changed forever. The note read, "But now, it has all changed! When in the US, he missed my cooking. Now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like, ‘Oh, Amma, we have other plans for the day, please don’t mistake us if we don’t drop in today!’"

With time, Murty made a new profile, her attachment to her children was complete and she said she remained detached by not expecting them to reciprocate their affection. Murty also made a conscious effort to not interfere or pass judgements on the lives of her children which they chose to lead.

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Let go of the loved ones so that they never go away, that’s the beauty of the thought behind attachment in detachment.

Lastly, she shared that though it is important to learn attachment with detachment with age, it isn't easy to follow especially in Indian families since the 'son' fixation has existed for ages. Eventually, Sudha Murty overcame the fixation and set her children free from the invisible maternal bonding.

Though a section of society might not resonate with Sudha Murty's idea of upbringing, Murty continues to hold her opinions strong, and no wonder she does because she always takes a different road.

Sudha Murty is indeed a flagbearer for more reasons than one. Donning many hats, Murty beautifully nails all her roles. As a mother, she did the unthinkable and further proved that there is no real handbook that has the mantras of being a good mom, rather, it is the mother who just knows what's best for her and her children.