Why Having A Boyfriend Isn't As Embarrassing As You Think

In the article “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, writer Chanté Joseph examines how today, many women feel that publicly being with a boyfriend has become something of a low-status symbol. She writes: “Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement.”

The article points to evidence from social media: women are soft-launching relationships, blurring or omitting their partner’s face, or avoiding posting them at all. The broader claim: the era when your relationship was a badge of success may be receding. Single status is now a flex.

This argument has struck a chord; online discussions, especially on TikTok, Instagram, refer to boyfriend content as “cringe”, “another level of exposure you don’t need”, or “old-fashioned”.

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However, here’s why having a boyfriend isn’t inherently embarrassing:

1. The reduction of the question to “embarrassing” overlooks nuance

Relationships are diverse: to cast all boyfriends as embarrassments is to treat them as a uniform category. Yet the quality, dynamics, purpose and context of each relationship differ enormously. The “embarrassment” narrative conflates having a boyfriend with being defined by a boyfriend—and the latter is what many critique, not the former. Indeed, a relationship that supports growth, honesty, mutual respect hardly deserves the “embarrassing” label.

2. Being in a relationship can magnify one’s agency rather than diminish it

Being committed doesn’t require surrendering selfhood. On the contrary: choosing a partner and making that partnership healthy can amplify one’s voice, ambitions and life story. The alternative (singlehood) is only superior in so far as one is free and fulfilled; without that, it too can feel limiting. What matters is how you are with someone, not simply whether.

3. The “embarrassing boyfriend” narrative often masks fear of vulnerability, failure, or loss

Many of the voices in the Vogue piece mention superstition, fear of being “found out”, of being less interesting once in a relationship, of break-up embarrassment, but those aren’t criticisms of love or companionship: they are criticisms of how relationships are portrayed, managed, or broadcast. The culprit may be the performance of being partnered, not the partnership itself.

4. The issue may lie in how the relationship is integrated in life and social media, not in the relationship itself

If posting your boyfriend becomes the centre of your identity or your feed, then yes, you may lose something distinctive. But if your life remains rich: career, friendships, passions, then being with someone adds dimension rather than subtracts it. A vibrant relationship doesn’t erase your individuality; it can reflect it.

5. Cultural and generational shifts are at play

The claim isn’t really “boyfriends are embarrassing” so much as “some forms of ‘boyfriend-culture’ are embarrassing (on social media)”.

What we are witnessing:
• A pushback against the idea that a woman must find a man to “complete” her.
• A shift in what counts as milestone or status: career, autonomy, chosen family, mental health.
• Social-media fatigue with curated couplehood, especially when it’s performative and glosses over real issues.

These shifts re-frame relationships, but they don’t make them embarrassing by definition.

Reframing The Narrative: Three Key Take-aways

1. Healthy partnerships are affirming, not shameful. If your relationship supports you and you support your partner, then being together can enhance your story, not undercut it.

2. Make sure you exist beyond the relationship. Your identity, interests and network should not vanish when you commit. When you keep your radar wide (career, friends, personal growth), the “boyfriend” becomes part of the mosaic, not all of it.

3. Broadcasting and validating differ from being. The tension highlighted in the Vogue piece is partly about how relationships are shown, consumed and judged on social media. If being in love makes you feel rich and secure, you’ve already passed the test. If it makes you feel exposed, reduced or stuck, then the relationship (or how it’s functioning) may deserve scrutiny.

The Bottom Line

No, you are not embarrassing if you have a boyfriend. What can feel embarrassing is when being “with someone” becomes a badge you wear to show status, or when you lose yourself in the process. A good relationship is a partnership of equals, an expansion of self, not a shrinking. If you’re thoughtfully choosing a partner, valuing them and yourself in equal measure, then being in a relationship is just another enriching chapter of your life—not something to apologise for.

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Image courtesy: Freepik

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