This Woman Is Normalising Divorce Through Her Book, Instagram and 'Divorce-versary' Celebrations

After Shasvathi Siva’s divorce, someone told her mother, “Ask her to just forget it, like it was a bad nightmare or something.” Shasvathi’s immediate reaction was “Why and how am I supposed to equate a divorce to a bad nightmare?”

Someone else said that her mother should get her married off again immediately, so nobody even gets to notice that she had gotten divorced. “How will people not notice I am married to a whole new person, this is bizarre,” she thought.

She later pondered upon why marriages are done with so much pomp and show, telling the whole world about it, and yet, that marriage not working out is shrouded in so much secrecy and stigma.

4 years of freedom, and not taking it for granted for a single day. Celebrating a divorce-versary today. 🥳

Happy happies to me!!! pic.twitter.com/fxcp5MFScb

— Shasvathi Siva (@shasvathi) January 23, 2023

“It made no sense to me. It really bothered me. So I decided to talk about it openly,” she said. “I wondered why it was such a big deal!” she added.

Shasvathi Siva is a creative director at a branding and advertising agency. For over four and a half years now, she has been working towards normalising divorce.

Normalising Divorce

Shasvathi was 24 when she got married and 27 when she got divorced. Her immediate family and friends were very supportive. She was lucky that the conversation around her was never about “why” but more about “what next”.

She was nervous while talking about the divorce openly at first. However, an overwhelmingly positive response followed. Many, even in her known circles, found the strength to open up about their experiences. “It became relatable to a lot of people, and the more people DM-ed me, the more I was sure that I needed to be the one talking openly about it,” said Shasvathi.

Some people still reached out to her mother to say “Why does she need to broadcast this information? How will she get married again? What are her future in-laws going to say?”

Shasvathi remained resolute despite, continuing doing her work around #DivorceIsNormal.

She had joined a support group in New York, where people spoke very openly about divorce, but there was nobody doing the same in the Indian context. Shasvathi added that the Indian context was important because society here is different and carries a whole layer of stigma that may not exist in other countries.

Shasvathi went on to create a support group of her own, which has been running since three years now. Around 650 people have become a part of it, with over 80% of the group being women.

Financial Independence is Key, Especially for Women

Shasvathi says that financial independence is the key, especially for women. The reason a lot of the women in older generations couldn’t leave when their marriage wasn’t working out was that they didn’t have money of their own, or the education or skills to make a living for themselves.

“My advice to young girls always is that they shouldn’t quit their jobs, or stay dependent on partners, just because they are getting married or the partners earn well,” she said.

Additionally, she strongly advocates for women to always have an emergency fund, regardless of their careers, stage of life or salaries.

Children also become a big factor in divorces, as women are conditioned to be the ones binding the family together.

“Kids of divorced or separated parents are known to come from ‘broken families’”, said Shasvathi, adding, “Often people, especially in our parents’ generation, stuck around in unhappy marriages just to avoid this stigma from society.”

Shasvathi highlighted how the perception of what is a family, needs to change. Two people can be a family, and so can seven, she explained.

She also encourages people to put together a support system that works for them. “If you’re not finding that in your parents or among your best friends, look elsewhere and consider joining support groups,” she said. “Staying in an unhappy marriage due to societal pressure isn’t the solution,” Shasvathi added.

Writing a Book and Finding Love Again

Shasvathi entered her “new phase of life” with a divorce party, where girlfriends who’d been her support system flew down from across the world to celebrate the new beginning. She urges more people to look at this as a new beginning, as a renewal of hope.

After a TedX talk of hers became popular in 2020, a commissioning editor from Penguin Books reached out to her, urging her to write a book. Her new book ‘Divorce is Normal’ was published in 2023.

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A post shared by Shasvathi Siva (@shasvathi)

Shasvathi eventually tried meeting prospective partners again and had a bunch of varied experiences. Through a dating app, she met her present partner, with whom she recently got engaged.

“I wake up every day now, thinking how much I like my life,” she smiled.