5 Proven Strategies To Heal From People-Pleasing

Healing from people-pleasing is a wonderful journey, which consists of understanding your people-pleasing patterns, rebuilding self-worth, and learning to include your needs in your daily life without feeling bad. People-pleasing usually originates from one's childhood, during which the individual learns that approval, love, and safety will only be given if he manages to meet the expectations of others. In their adult life, such behaviour becomes the person’s default reaction; they are very likely to say ‘yes’ in a snap, evade any kind of confrontation, and suppress their very own needs simply to be sure that no one will be disappointed. 

5 Proven Strategies To Heal From People-Pleasing

Recognise The ‘Automatic Yes’

According to Archana Singhal, Counsellor & Family Therapist and Founder of Mindwell Counsel, “The initial phase of the healing process is the gaining of insight. Make it a habit to recognise the instances when your body feels stiff and restless, but you still go ahead with the ‘yes’ agreement. Enquire from yourself the nature of your ‘yes’ - Is it really truthful, or is it induced by fear of judgement or rejection? Being aware of one's actions is a way of getting out of a rut, and thus it brings an end to this automatic routine of putting others before oneself.”

Honouring Your Desires And Limits

The subsequent step is connecting with your own desires and limitations. A person who constantly tries to please others usually loses his touch with the very things that he/she prefers, because he/she is so used to making adjustments for other people. Simple questions like ‘What do I need right now?’ or ‘Is this really right for me?’ lead the person to recover his initial voice. Start practising your limits at a basic level, such as allowing yourself to decide whether or not you want to accept a request, revealing your opinions even if they differ from others’, or uttering ‘no’ when, for example, a particular thing is not in line with your strength. 

De-linking Worth From Usefulness

Developing one's self-worth is the major point of the process of recovery. Those people who are afraid to say ‘no’ to others may often link their value to how useful or nice they are to other people. Psychotherapy, journaling, and kindly speaking to oneself are some of the methods that help in challenging these beliefs. Tell and retell yourself that you are worthy of respect and care, even at times when you are not giving continually. Step by step, thus, through rebuilding self-esteem, the need to please people from a place of fear is being lessened. 

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Building Tolerance For Discomfort

Besides, the process of healing also requires acquiring the skill to bear with discomfort. For example, the feeling of discomfort upon saying ‘no’ or showing a boundary will disappear little by little with continued practice. Step by step, one gets to a point where he feels very free and comfortable in being able to protect his emotional energy.

Quality Over Compliance

Good relationships put your development first, rather than consuming it. The cessation of people-pleasing in your life will cause changes to some of your relationships; however, this would also be the time when new, better-balanced, and more mature connections will emerge. During the healing process, the person becomes more and more inclined to treat both others and himself, thus leading to a more genuine and emotionally satisfying life.

Image credits: Freepik

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