Most Women Are Conditioned To Let It Go! A Woman Questions Patriarchal Mindsets

It had been seven years since the horrifying Nirbhaya case happened in Delhi. There have been many cases not just of rape but abuse, misbehaviour and more that have happened in India since then. Things do not seem to have changed at all and infact it keeps getting worse! Here is an incident of misbehaviour, reflecting the patriarchal mindset India has and shows what many think about women. How dare she ask for the right of passage. I am a man and she as a woman should shut up and wait! This dear ladies is an attitude of a man in India, a country with a patriarchal structure, where MANY think that a woman is an object or is 'something' to possess and she should not have a mind of her own. Let alone a voice. This is the attitude meted out to Nina Kler Wellbeing Crusader and writer; onboard the Air India flight! Nina shared her ordeal with many, and this time she has authored an article for HerZindagi readers, pointing out debilitating mindset’s that we possess as a nation that needs desperate correction.

What wounds does a woman need to show to qualify as abuse or violation? What part of her needs to be desecrated before someone pays heed? Or is it only those key words one needs to hit upon that qualify in an FIR? If a woman feels violated shouldn’t that be enough?

Whether it is words used causing you to shrink, financial abuse by a spouse or a boss who doesn’t pay dues, bullying by another, restraint or just a feeling of being threatened or belittled, shouldn’t we just accept it for what it is, isn’t it? Abuse. Unfortunately, verbal abuse, Financial stifling or threats don’t qualify as much in the eyes of the general public. As there isn’t necessarily a physical scar to show hence even more apathy towards ones predicament.

On @airindiain flight 431 from delhi to Lucknow today a man misbehaved with me.
Flight departure time was 1220 but finally left at 315 and arrived at 420pm.
The man blocked my path when I told him to excuse me. @KiranManral @SheThePeople @Nidhi @rohini_sgh 1/n

— Nina kler (@NinaKler) December 6, 2019

He refused to let me move forward. The staff turned their face away. I told him to get out of my face and not block my path he refused to budge. He kept saying chill. When I told him that I was going to call the police he said call them I don’t care. 2/n

— Nina kler (@NinaKler) December 6, 2019

When I screamed for the airline staff to help me 18 rows away they ignored me. When I finally reached near the cockpit they looked at me as if I am a mad woman and said madam what is wrong with you. I asked them why they didn’t help me and they feigned ignorance. 3/n

— Nina kler (@NinaKler) December 6, 2019

And did nothing.
The staff knows very well who he is. Great training #airindia
They saluted him outside the plane as well. He called someone and told them to bring security to the car. That scared the living daylight’s out of me. He called some woman called Sarita. 4/n

There is a nascent mindset that women should adjust, they should step aside, step down, be afraid to ask for what they want, keep quiet in the face of adversity and rarely report a fear of only impending, but not yet happened doom.

What I experienced on flight AI 431 Delhi Lucknow when a man refused to let me move forward in the aisle wasn’t just a jammed queue, it was a man who was outraged that a woman would ask him to let her go ahead, even if it was my turn. It was much more than the oil in the machinery of how a line should move or clashing egos. It was a mindset - “how dare she ask for right of passage I am a man and she as a woman should shut up and wait”. I couldn’t have been politer.

It was when he stood there digging his heels in, confrontationally that I lost the plot. He refused to budge. Most women are conditioned to let it go, not to butt heads in such a situation, but because I felt so terribly violated and threatened by him that I took this on as a personal battle on social media, beyond what happened on the airplane.

Someone passing by told me to back off because he is a government official.
I asked my local friend for help and she shared the CISF staffs number who were exceedingly helpful and supportive. They ensured that I was safely seated in my car. 5/n

— Nina kler (@NinaKler) December 6, 2019

Considering the social climate right now with rape on rape happening and lawlessness one would imagine people coming down a notch or two. Clearly gundagardi prevails and abusive men can get away scot free.
Disgusted with Air India. The man got away. 6/n

— Nina kler (@NinaKler) December 6, 2019

The more I would say get out of my face (with my hand up in the air trying to create distance as he had come too close) the more he would say just chill in a threatening manner. He stood there stubborn as a mule refusing to allow me freedom of movement. No one came to my aid, not even the airline staff as they looked on as he’s obviously a familiar face. They exchanged pleasantries once he finally let up.

For most people, this is no big deal, but I felt truly frozen and frazzled as I didn’t know what else to do apart from keep repeating get out of my face. I even threatened to call the cops but he was unafraid. This brings me to the other mindset which is the VIP culture umbrella which absolves you of all responsibility and accountability.

So today I as a woman am exhausted screaming my self hoarse about how the airline should take responsibility for what happened to me. Had they stepped in this might not have escalated to this level. But they didn’t and that added insult to injury which comes to the next layer of mindset-the complaint mechanism madness.

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“You should have known who to complain to why didn’t you?”

Unfortunately, one is not born knowing the semantics of the complaint mechanism of any organisation/machinery unless an incident happens. Hence much energy is lost in landing at the right redressal forum.

And lastly how effective and seamless is law enforcement even if it’s just within an organisation.

At each step there is much work to be done. The only hope is education. Educating not only our daughters better but our sons. To be more sensitive towards each other not only keeping gender neutrality in mind but also the underlying factor of common humanity. Being good role models for them is paramount, not falling to the play of stereotypes and standing up each and every time there is oppression.

Only then can the wheel of dharma and karma truly start moving forward fruitfully. And NO it has nothing to do with what you are wearing l!