How To Help Children Speak Up About Sexual Abuse; Tips From Experts

We teach our young children various ways to stay safe, such as avoiding hot stoves and looking both ways before crossing the street. However, discussions about body safety often begin too late, sometimes when it's already too late. Given the increasing number of disturbing cases nationwide, it's crucial to educate our children about what constitutes good and bad touch. Child sexual abuse is a serious societal problem with potentially long-lasting effects on victims. Identifying early signs is essential for effective intervention and prevention. 

Though this topic is sensitive, recognising these early indicators can help protect vulnerable children and offer necessary support. To shed light on how to identify these early signs and approach conversations with children, we consulted Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M), Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, and Founder & Director of Gateway of Healing.

Common Signs That A Child Might Be Going Through Sexual Abuse

Dr Chandni Tugnait shared several common indicators that a child might be experiencing sexual abuse:

• Sudden shifts in behaviour, such as withdrawal, anxiety, or unexplained aggression
• Sleep issues, including nightmares or a return to bedwetting
• An unusually mature understanding or display of sexual behaviour not typical for their age
• Physical signs like unexplained pain, bruises, or bleeding in the genital area
• Hesitation to undress for activities or wearing excessive clothing
• A noticeable drop in academic performance
• Significant alterations in social behaviour
• Avoidance of specific individuals or locations without a clear explanation
• Sudden emotional outbursts or mood swings
• Changes in eating habits or unexpected weight loss or gain
• Self-harm or expressions of suicidal thoughts
• Excessive secrecy or reluctance to talk about certain topics

It’s crucial to understand that not all children will show these signs clearly, particularly if they have been threatened. Maintaining an open line of communication is vital. Caregivers should trust their instincts if something seems wrong and seek advice from pediatricians, school counsellors, or child protection experts. Early detection and intervention are crucial for ensuring the child's safety and well-being.

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How Can Parents Create An Environment Where Children Feel Safe Discussing Sexual Abuse?

Dr Chandni says, "Creating an environment where children feel safe discussing sensitive topics like sexual abuse is crucial for their protection and well-being." 

Here are some key strategies that parents and caregivers can use:

• Promote Open Communication: Regularly engage in casual conversations about various subjects to make open dialogue a normal part of life.
• Use Age-Appropriate Language: Talk about body safety and boundaries using terms that are suitable for the child's age and understanding.
• Teach Body Autonomy: Make it clear that their body belongs to them and they have the right to refuse unwanted touch.
• Avoid Judgement: Respond calmly and supportively when children share difficult or surprising information, ensuring they feel safe.
• Implement a 'No Secrets' Policy: Explain the difference between temporary surprises and harmful secrets, encouraging transparency.
• Identify Trusted Adults: Help children identify several trusted adults they can confide in if they feel unsafe.
• Respect Privacy: Knock before entering their room and allow them age-appropriate privacy to demonstrate respect for their boundaries.
• Listen Actively: Give children your full attention when they speak, showing that their thoughts and feelings are important.
• Encourage Questions: Be open to answering questions about bodies and relationships honestly and thoroughly.
• Model Openness: Share your own feelings and experiences appropriately to demonstrate that being open and honest is valued.

How Can Parents Handle A Situation Where A Child Discloses Abuse To Them?

Dr Chandni advises that when a child reveals they have been abused, parents must respond with care and urgency. Here are the immediate steps to take:

• Stay Calm and Listen: Even if you're upset, remain composed. Listen without interruptions, as your calmness will help the child feel secure enough to continue sharing.
• Believe the Child: Let them know you believe what they're saying and that the abuse is not their fault. Avoid probing for too many details, which could further traumatise them.
• Offer Reassurance: Affirm that they did the right thing by telling you and assure them you will do everything in your power to keep them safe.
• Avoid Confronting the Abuser: This could put the child in further danger or interfere with any ongoing investigation.
• Document the Disclosure: Write down exactly what the child told you, using their own words. Record the date and time of the disclosure as well.
• Report the Abuse: Immediately contact child protective services or local authorities, as reporting may be a legal requirement.
• Get Medical Attention: If there are signs of physical harm or the abuse occurred recently, arrange for a medical examination.
• Ensure Safety: Make sure the child is not in immediate danger. If needed, remove them from situations where they might encounter the alleged abuser.
• Maintain Routine: Try to keep the child's daily life as normal as possible, providing them with a sense of stability and security.
• Seek Professional Help: Connect with a child therapist specialising in abuse to provide emotional and psychological support for the child.

How Can Parents Work With Mental Health Professionals Who Specialise In Trauma And Abuse?

Finding mental health professionals who specialise in trauma and abuse is essential for helping children heal. Parents can begin by asking their paediatrician, family doctor, or local hospital for referrals to child psychologists or trauma therapists. Child advocacy centres and organisations like NCPCR also offer directories of specialists, and insurance providers can help locate in-network professionals with the right expertise.

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Dr Chandni says, “When evaluating potential therapists, parents should look for professionals with specific training in trauma-focused therapy. It's important to verify the therapist's credentials and experience in working with child abuse cases. Parents should feel comfortable asking about the therapist's approach to treating trauma in children and their experience with similar cases. Considerations like the therapist's availability and location are also important to ensure consistent attendance is feasible.”

Once a therapist is selected, working together effectively is essential. Parents should openly share their child's experiences and concerns, maintaining regular communication with the therapist about progress and any new issues. Implementing at-home strategies and attending parent sessions, if available, can be helpful. It's important to recognise that healing from trauma takes time, and finding the right therapist may involve some trial and error. The main goal is to create a safe, supportive environment for the child to process their experiences and build healthy coping skills.

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